STE[PH]EN [BLOG]

I've been having this itch since I was asked the question "what are you going to be? a doctor?" Its a yearning to be different ever since I've been born.
I've been wanting to feel like i'm heading on the right path
is money the top priority when choosing the path in life?
work in a good job for money, money is happiness because money equals security
and security gives you a life of predictable cushy lifestyle

I've always been a person who liked many many things biology, management, social science, psychology, charity, painting, history, philosophy, aquaculture, cooking, and traveling. yet I never fully trusted myself to have a complete passion to go 100% for any of them.

traversing into my 4th year now and i feel utterly lost as if i've been heading in all the wrong directions, as if the compass that i thought i knew was only a broken needle.

I know i don't want to live a typical life in the suburbs of Virginia.

yet my father is soon to retire, my mother is depending on me to find financial security asap, my parents wish me to be around to help them to move out of one house and permanently move to the other, I'm expected to marry a successful or semi successful tall Vietnamese girl that is respectable.

I have been working within the constrains that I believe I must live by and yet I've always questioned why.

maybe I'm not brave enough to break the bounderies of my fishtank
maybe its the debt I owe to my parents for bringing me up in a peaceful suburban lifestyle
maybe its because I am a victim of what I believe is the norm or the expected conformation
maybe I am afraid of not living by the vietnamese american standard
maybe I dont know who I am

maybe I am just that fearful of the fact that I know who I am and what i want to be.

S|n